J

She was nice at first sight, then when you look carefully at her
at her words at every emotion she had, you can understand her.... or at least .... try to do it.

It took me by surprise, I didn't mean it at that moment
I was blushing
with a reddish color on my cheeks

My heart was beating so fast
almost hurting my chest
but then I took her words and I started to read them
one  by one

trying to explain to myself
what she was doing.

We started laughing
blushing
sharing songs and stories about us

The whole time that we didn't know each other
we spend it talking about our issues
feeling secure on each other's words

Time passed slowly
and happy

we were having something nameless
something that I didn't knew it how to deal it

I was confused
sad
and very messed with
my own world

I screwed it all
with just one night
with just a few words

the same that someday united us

at the end of the day I was really confused
even with this feel.

We did all the possible things that you can do it with someone
at a long distance relationship
we were satisfied
but also scared at the same time
I was hiding my feelings because
I was confused

My head was exploding
because we were going too fast

but despite the love
there were the doubts.

We fight just once
and I felt like if I were in hell
trying to escape but enjoying the view

I was enjoying our time
because even everything
it was lovely

every word
every photo
every song ....

We ended in wednesday
just when we were on sync even the time zone.

Oh is a funny thing you know?

Escuchar canciones que solía escuchar pensando en alguien más, canciones que me hacían llorar, esas canciones que llenaban de sentimientos todo este corazón, a estos ojos llenos de ilusión.

Aquellas que me transportan a aquella persona esperando cambiar, que tras cada doloroso palpitar esperaba un mejor día, una mañana mejor y más llena de vida.

Las ganas de llorar escuchándolas de nuevo me invaden, me abruman e irrumpen el telón de felicidad. Acabada la obra, el personaje debe acabar, pero cuando no, éste vive y convive con el ser real.

I can't say no to you.

Inmensas ganas de correr a abrazar a ese pasado triste y desolado, tan lleno de dolor y de crisis, de cosas que olvidar, de esas que caen directo en el pensamiento día a día, de cada detalle, voces y pequeñas acciones. De sentir pena, lástima; de verme patética frente a todos. 

No estoy feliz, solo son momentos de tranquilidad casual, no es tristeza, son solo momentos de silencio interior.

I feel good enough.

Me ha costado tanto salir de el hoyo, para siquiera volver a intentar mirar. Como ponerse de pie en un acantilado, esperando internamente caer, caer libre y lentamente, sin dolor y disfrutando la vista, como esos recuerdos de paz, de sonrisas fugaces en el rostro, de cerrar los ojos y ver rostros, de no huir ni esconderse, de enfrentar todo lo que jamás quise ver, pero de al mismo tiempo esperar caer al llegar al final, para estampar esa tranquilidad tardía en la realidad, en el día a día que no se va. En el peso del reloj avanzando, en el peso y dolor de cada noche sin dormir, de horas en las que solo se pueden, llorar.